According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
