you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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