and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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