Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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