he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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