He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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