The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Alive.
So much puke
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
