are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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