i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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