We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
