well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
