Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
