God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
