are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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