if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
