we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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