Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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