Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
