I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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