Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
