apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
