I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My feet surprised me
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