is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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