i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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