im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
