I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
