we have pet lesbian snakes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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