so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Even my vagina gasped.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
