The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I enjoy the company of your penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
