Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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