i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
