You smell like a Billy Joel song
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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