Your dad touched me again.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
