I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
