mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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