i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
