ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
