omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
