So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There are leaves in my underwear?
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