Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
