No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
