I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
