I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
