She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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