is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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