my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this just has baby written all over it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
