What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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