if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
