Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
