I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
