READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
