Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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