i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
