I think i sorta joined a cult last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
