I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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