I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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