dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Alive.
So much puke
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
