dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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