my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there is glitter all over my balls
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize