ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
