There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
