just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
