you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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