He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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