I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
