so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You need Xanax blowdarts
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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