Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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