i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
