my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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