hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
