I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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