erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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