i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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