I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
