she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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